I didn't like going to church, so here's what I did about it...

It's no secret that here in Utah, we have a cultural Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints humming it's way around the actual (AMAZING) religion that IS The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. A religion that for me- defy's gravity, promises love and goodness, encompasses with a spirit of warmth, and will take you AS. YOU. ARE. I promise. It was a journey for me to find the raw, real version of this religion, But I found it. It was there all along, and my life is forever changed.

When we were first married, I was young. Really young. I remember attending church for the first time as a married adult and it was different. I felt a self inflicted pressure that wasn't there before as a single adult floating around in church. I naively thought I needed to be top notch homemaker, wife, church member, visiting teacher, primary teach etc etc etc., and I could go on and on. How silly of me. I need to reiterate, these were my own thoughts. I, nonetheless, let it encompass me. I let it make me feel inferior and unworthy. I couldn't see the forest through the trees. I'd blame it on clumsy things people would say to me at church. I'd blame it on the member's lack of authenticity that I couldn't relate to. I'd blame it on "cultural mormonism". We'd hit or miss going to church and would scrunch our noses at the thought of attending. So WHAT changed? It's simple- I did.

I became a parent. Suddenly I saw these people as humans, SOMEONE'S kid. I saw their good intention and dismissed their clumsy words. I gave the grace I'd want someone to give to my son when he fouled up. Albeit an eye roll or two here and there, because I'm still me (haha), but nonetheless I saw their intention. I saw them as HUMANS. I saw myself as HUMAN. With flaws, but so much to offer. This was my religion, my ward and my spirit to share too. Just as worthy as everyone else. If I wanted to see a change, if I wanted to break up the cultural mormonism, I had to show up, elbow my way in and (respectfully) speak up. I took callings and fulfilled them my way, not what I had seen. I brought my irreverent, pg-13 joke wielding (under my breath), sarcastic self and sat down and participated. My way. So what happened? The same church that I felt uncomfortable in because I "didn't fit it", became my own. Nothing changed but how I saw those few hours each Sunday. Sitting in that chapel brought me a warmth I couldn't find anywhere else. There were so many people to love, and do you know what happens when you bring others in to love them? Your heart grows ten times it's size, and do you know what that feels like? Sure-fire happiness.

If this sounds familiar to you, hear me when I say- you have SO MUCH TO OFFER. PLEASE OFFER IT. Change the feeling with your authenticity. It will move mountains, it'll bring others who feel this way into the light knowing we can show up as we are. Are you going to have to shrug off clumsy words said by others? Totally. Will there still be some silly cultural habits floating about? You bet. But your spirit you can bring will break up the norm, shake the cultural side of things and add so much color.

Come as you are. Wear what you're comfortable in. Come in any state of life. Come when you need solitude. Come with love. Come with an open heart. Elbow your way in and sit down, because this is as much your right to be here as the person next to you. We sit as equals. "You belong here. Welcome home"